Monday, February 17, 2014

The Road To Structure

The past year has been eventful and emotionally challenging.  My mother passed away, I left my job to better take care of myself and the hubby, and we bought our first house.  Those were just the major events, not to mention the million minor foibles and brilliant moments that make up our daily lives. My life has seen a lot of ups and downs recently and I've been trying to deal with them as well as I can.  For the most part, I've done a good job.  I have yet to collapse to the floor crying or go on a major spending spree, or eat my weight in Doritos (my long-time stress food).  I'm hovering around the stressed side of normal.  For me, that's a huge life victory.

The one thing that has suffered is my discipline.  I'm not the most talented person and lord knows I'm not the most business savvy, but the one thing I've always had going for me is my ability to work twice as hard as the next guy.  I am self-motivated and require little, if any, supervision.  I'm the type of gal that will set a writing time, sit down, and knock out a few thousand words.  But this past year, I have not been able to keep to a regular writing schedule and my work has suffered.

The emotional ups and downs and the major life changes are the biggest reason why.  You see, I'm easy to knock into a fog.  My brain loves to obsess over the nuances of life to the point where I sometimes can't be left alone without stimulation (TV, audiobooks, etc) or my brain will just run the same events over and over and over until I am in a panicked state or just a really really bad mood.  This can enhance the situational stress by a high degree.  My tendency when I get stressed out is to give up and watch television.  It's a relatively harmless stress response, better than when I used to binge eat and far better than becoming an alcoholic or engaging in risky behaviors. 

However, things feel as if they are finally settling down.  I'm beginning to feel like my old self.  Setting giant goals for myself is easy, it's easy for anyone to do.  It's the daily work to reach those goals which is difficult.

So, with a certain amount of pride, I wish to report that I have FINALLY set a writing schedule for myself.  This will be the first time I've had true writing hours since I left my job.  It feels good.  I know there will be days where I'll blow off work to hang with friends or to watch a movie, and that's okay.  As long as I hit my schedule 80% of the time, I'm pretty happy.

It's nice that things are finally getting back to normal.  Knock on wood.

13 comments:

  1. Glad you're coming back to normal. That's a lot for anyone to handle, Libby. Don't knock yourself too hard for slipping on the discipline for a while. You can get it back!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Alex. Discipline is starting to return!

      Delete
  2. Sounds like you have turned a corner. Stress effects us all in different ways, having lost my own mum a year ago I know how you feel. Keep going.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry to hear about your mom Suzanne. Hugs, and lots of them!

      Delete
  3. Can totally relate. I've always struggled with depression, but the last six months have been worse than normal for me too. And when I'm down at the bottom I always want to quit writing (probably because it's the thing that would hurt me the most). But it's also the thing that makes me feel good again, once I push through and get something written down. Not sure all writers go through this, but lots do. Glad you're on the upswing again. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for sharing LG. I know there's a stigma to admitting you suffer from depression and it means a lot that you're open with your struggles. Isn't it odd how the things that hurt when you're depressed can help your recovery as well?

      Cheers to the upswing!

      Delete
  4. I am so sorry to hear your mom passed away. I remember that post you wrote for her and it was so wonderful. She sounded like an amazing lady.

    That fog is hard to emerge from. I've suffered through it myself. It's so bad. You don't feel like crying, just feel sort of flat and unmotivated. I hope some sunshine burns it away. Hugs and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Elizabeth. Yes, flat and unmotivated is definitely a good description. You hit the nail on the head there!

      Delete
  5. With a year like that, I completely sympathize with the lack of discipline. Glad to read you're getting back to your normal self. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Good good good! WTG Libby!
    I'm so sorry about losing your mom. That is tough. And I know what you mean with distracting yourself. But just think, now you have lots of emotion to pour into your stories.
    Wishing you lots of good luck and productivity! Keep us posted!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hope this year will be good for us! We certainly need it

    ReplyDelete
  8. It's always good to know you are on the upswing!

    I know exactly what you mean about your mind obsessing when left to it's own devices. I think the reason I started writing is because I would feel myself going into these self-destructive spirals and the only way I could think to pull myself out was to think about someone else for a while and so I would write. It doesn't always work, but it helps most times.

    Yay for a new writing schedule! That's a great step in the right direction. I'm none too good at sticking with those. Typically, if I feel the urge to write I try to drop everything and write because I know I won't be in the mood to write come the time I'm supposed to. This is probably not the best way to do that...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Firstly, you used the word 'foible' so I'm a fan ;)
    Secondly and more importantly, it's great you're getting back to a schedule and things are looking up. Schedules really do make a difference.

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...