The past year has been eventful and emotionally challenging. My mother passed away, I left my job to better take care of myself and the hubby, and we bought our first house. Those were just the major events, not to mention the million minor foibles and brilliant moments that make up our daily lives. My life has seen a lot of ups and downs recently and I've been trying to deal with them as well as I can. For the most part, I've done a good job. I have yet to collapse to the floor crying or go on a major spending spree, or eat my weight in Doritos (my long-time stress food). I'm hovering around the stressed side of normal. For me, that's a huge life victory.
The one thing that has suffered is my discipline. I'm not the most talented person and lord knows I'm not the most business savvy, but the one thing I've always had going for me is my ability to work twice as hard as the next guy. I am self-motivated and require little, if any, supervision. I'm the type of gal that will set a writing time, sit down, and knock out a few thousand words. But this past year, I have not been able to keep to a regular writing schedule and my work has suffered.
The emotional ups and downs and the major life changes are the biggest reason why. You see, I'm easy to knock into a fog. My brain loves to obsess over the nuances of life to the point where I sometimes can't be left alone without stimulation (TV, audiobooks, etc) or my brain will just run the same events over and over and over until I am in a panicked state or just a really really bad mood. This can enhance the situational stress by a high degree. My tendency when I get stressed out is to give up and watch television. It's a relatively harmless stress response, better than when I used to binge eat and far better than becoming an alcoholic or engaging in risky behaviors.
However, things feel as if they are finally settling down. I'm beginning to feel like my old self. Setting giant goals for myself is easy, it's easy for anyone to do. It's the daily work to reach those goals which is difficult.
So, with a certain amount of pride, I wish to report that I have FINALLY set a writing schedule for myself. This will be the first time I've had true writing hours since I left my job. It feels good. I know there will be days where I'll blow off work to hang with friends or to watch a movie, and that's okay. As long as I hit my schedule 80% of the time, I'm pretty happy.
It's nice that things are finally getting back to normal. Knock on wood.