The camera down my throat wasn't a big deal and my doctor was amazing. She was patient and pleasant and took great care to explain everything to me and she made sure I felt okay during the examination. I expected to hear that my vocal cords were shot and that I might need surgery. Nothing that drastic. I have mild acid reflux and that's causing a lot of irritation and a bit of swelling. My body keeps coughing because the swollen bits are at the top of my windpipe and my body thinks it's clearing debris from the area. Little does it know, it's just more of me.
How do I fix this? The first step is to rid my diet of stomach irritants. Let's talk about that. The first thing my doctor mentioned was mint. No problem. Unless it's toothpaste, I actually don't like mint. Then the list got scary. For at least a month I can have no chocolate, caffeine, soda, coffee, fried foods or alcohol. I also have to limit my dairy intake.
Before anyone calls me out in the comments, yes, I know I'm extremely lucky. There are people with many ailments in this world and mine are quite mild. Yes, I'm very thankful for that. But please let me whine for just a moment and then I promise I'll put on my big girl pants and get on with it.
I looked at the doctor and with a grimness even I didn't think I was capable of, I said, "You've just mentioned all of my favorite things." She nodded then went on to say that if the diet doesn't work after a month then I'll need to try medicine.
Allow me to expand on how I'm a lover of food and beer. When asked what super power I would like to have, I do not respond with anything that would be useful to humanity, animals, plants, minerals or life in general. My superpower would be to eat whatever I want and not gain weight. Also, I have only forgotten to eat once in my life and I still remember it. It was lunch six years ago. It was three o'clock before I remembered. I'm still shocked. As further proof, this doctor's office is in walking distance of my favorite bar. I was planning to go from there to have french fries and a can of Ten Fidy, because it is glorious and I love it. This will be no small task. My body may actually go into shock.
For the next month, I have to go cold turkey. Then I can reevaluate. I'm hoping to introduce my darlings back into my diet on a much smaller scale in the future. Until then, don't be surprised if you see me lurking in Starbucks trying to sniff customers' drinks.
|Sad Libby. Image by radacina|