Today I Made...
Screw everyone that said I needed a degree to be a scientist! I am beyond school, beyond mortality.
After years of horrendous failures, suffering the jibes of my peers, and being ridiculed by my own mother, I've finally, well almost finally, managed to splice two life forms together.
Admittedly, my last attempt at a snake/rat was a devastating blow. I think attaching two of the same ends was a bit of a blunder. The bigger mistake might have been using two heads and not two rears.
|Image from Openclipart.org|
That is all history, in the past, destined to be forgotten by everyone in the light of my new accomplishment. Today, I may have finally achieved my goal. I spliced together the head and torso of a tiger with the hind end of an alligator.
Do NOT ask where I got the bodies. Don't. I mean it. You don't want to know. Okay, I'll tell you. Let's just say the zoo does not have the best security, or at least not one that could stop me and my cunning plan. Okay, I slipped the guards a few hundred bucks a piece. It was for science, dammit. It was also an investment in my future. Who cares about my rent? Not me. I'm a genius.
The beastie is still resting, the drugs have not worn off yet. I'm feeling a bit tired myself so off to beddie bye for now. Ta-ta.
I may have made a slight error in judgement when I combined two animals that were so big.
|Image from Openclipart.org papapishu|
I gave our kitty a sedative. I want him to rest as the tissues finish connecting so he can move properly. I'm hoping to have him camera ready by the weekend.
Those tissues are connected. There's no doubt about that. Don't mind the drops of blood I'm spilling. Got too close to kitty I'm afraid. I was being so careful of his claws I forgot all about the alligator tail. That thing packs a wallop.
Kitty is getting stronger. He hasn't quite figured out how to move gracefully with long legs in the front and short ones in the back, but he's a clever kitty and I'm sure he'll get it soon enough.
Now, for the important work. I've already called Oprah and Letterman and Ellen and a few others. Their people(s) thought I was a quack so I'm starting the old fashioned way, science journals. It'll increase my credibility and when those fools come knocking on my door, and they will, I'll make them beg to see kitty. Except Oprah. She gets a pass.
When the world finally sees what I've done, I'll be hailed as a genius. Man of the Century. All the “real” scientists with their fancy degrees will marvel at my creation!
Oh crap, kitty's growling. What sounds like a latch being unlatched? Uh-oh.